Bible reading – Matt 1 18-21

The birth of Jesus took place like this. His mother, Mary, was engaged to be married to Joseph. Before they came to the marriage bed, Joseph discovered she was pregnant. (It was by the Holy Spirit, but he didn’t know that.)  Joseph, chagrined but noble, determined to take care of things quietly so Mary would not be disgraced.

While he was trying to figure a way out, he had a dream. God’s angel spoke in the dream: “Joseph, son of David, don’t hesitate to get married. Mary’s pregnancy is Spirit-conceived. God’s Holy Spirit has made her pregnant.  She will bring a son to birth, and when she does, you, Joseph, will name him Jesus—‘God saves’—because he will save his people from their sins.”

Joseph felt ashamed, he was trying to work out how make things right.  He was probably also not quite sure whether to believe Mary. Was she telling him the truth?

Perhaps today we lose some of that shock and embarrassment.  I mean people don’t get married any more to have sex, children are conceived without people being married, families are often made up of people who do not share the same father or mother for a variety of reasons.

So what would Joseph have felt so ashamed about?  To understand this we need to get inside the culture of the first century world.  Joseph lived in a shame/honour culture which is difficult for us to get our heads round as we tend to live in a guilt/innocence culture.  Those living in Asiatic, Latin American, Mediterranean or Islamic countries have considerable advantage in their reading of the New Testament in this regard, since many of those cultures place a prominent emphasis on honor and shame.

So what would that have looked for Joseph?  If taken in strong doses the honor-shame code can seem suffocatingly oppressive.  If you think about the honor-culture of rape and suicide in India and Pakistan:  ”The use of rape in tribal disputes has become, one might say, normal. And the belief that a raped woman’s best recourse is to kill herself remains widespread and deeply ingrained.”

How can this be condoned, especially when the woman is not at fault? Our objections, however, appeal to innocence, and the honor-shame code often has little to do with innocence or “who is at fault”. Women in this context are irrevocably shamed, regardless of their innocence, because of the nature of female honor. Unlike male honor, which is macho and won in verbal or physical contests, and which can be restored after loss in a later conflict — female honor is fundamentally sexual.  If a woman fails to protect her honor, for example by engaging in extramarital intercourse or by displaying “looseness” by providing males outside her family with her company or her words, she actually brings shame upon her husband or father.  It’s absolute: once lost, it’s forever gone.

Honor signifies respect for being the kind of person and doing the kinds of things the group values.  Shame signifies being seen as less than valuable because you have behaved in ways that run contrary to the values of the group.  Shame and honour cultures have a very strong sense of belonging and acceptance but at a high price.

We live at some distance from the honor culture of the first-century Greco-Roman world. In our culture the bottom line for decision-making is not always identifying the honorable thing to do. In the corporate world, for example, the “profitable” frequently acts as the central value. Considerations of right and wrong are also prominent, but this is no longer based on the moral code of society.  Its our own individual code.

Typically we do not talk about honor and shame much, but we do wrestle with “worth,” with “self-esteem,” with the push and pull of “what other people will think.”  Our culture is now much more based on individualism as a result  we are less likely to communicate openly with each other, especially those beyond our circle of acquaintances, friends and kin.  We are less likely to openly challenge others or to openly censure them where they go against the values we consider to be central to our group or to the society.  How many of you would ask a fellow traveller on the train or the bus to turn down the music on their ipod?

We can, however, get under the skin of the cultural environment of the first-century world when we think about peer pressure.  We are aware, for example, of the effects of peer pressure, particularly on teenagers. Those who do not conform are ostracized, insulted and often the targets of physical violence (or at least the threat of violence). All of this is unofficial from the standpoint of the authority figures, but it is nevertheless a potent force in the lives of teenagers today.  And maybe so for adults too.

Belonging to one group or other — conforming to its culture and finding affirmation there — often means conflict with another group. The “Geeks” vs “football crowd”. There is also the artsy crowd, the social crowd, the rebel crowd, the drug crowd and so forth.

Within each group, peer pressure forces each individual to conform and difference is punished.  Those who are deeply influenced by this pressure may change their whole image to secure approval rather than ridicule.

This gives us an insight into the honor/shame culture but the rules for belonging in the first century were related to a strong moral and ethical code, not just wearing the right clothes.  We need to think about our memories or experiences of peer pressure to understand the bible reading we have tonight.

So this is where Joseph is at.  He’s ashamed and dishonored.  He’s looking for a way out!  How often do we feel that way?  Are there things that you feel ashamed or dishonored about?  Maybe things from this week, maybe things in the past.  Joseph was ashamed that his fiancée was not a virgin, her honor had been taken away and that reflected on him.  He was in turmoil because he knew he had to take action.  If he disassociated himself from Mary to protect his honor then Mary would become an outcast and her family would disown her in order to protect themselves as well.  But Joseph was also a noble man, he wanted to do right by Mary.

This is shame.  And it lives alongside fear.  Fear of what others might say or do.  And so as Joseph wrestles with what to do, God steps in to offer him advice.  God confirms the truth of Mary’s story in by doing so he offers Joseph the chance to step beyond that fear and the shame.  We often recognize that Mary was amazing girl (and she was a girl, only in her early teens) and that she was faithful to God but here we see Joseph also stepping out and taking a risk.  Just because God had told him the truth – what if the rest of their community ostracized him as well as Mary?

Whilst the concept of honour/shame has reduced considerably within our culture, we still want to know that we are valuable, worthwhile people, and we want to give the impression of being such.  As a result we often live with shame and with fear.  The culture we live in makes us think that we are not good enough, safe enough, certain enough, perfect enough, extraordinary enough.  The culture we live in tells us that an ordinary life is the same as a meaningless life.

We probably carry a lot of shame around in our lives.  Do you feel that you haven’t lived up to expectations?  That you’ve missed out on the best bits of life?  When you look at others do you see people who are “together”, “sorted”?  Do you keep on wearing the mask so that no one will know that you are not as sorted as they are?

We fear that if people really knew us and the messy lives we have then actually we wouldn’t be in their group.  Peer pressure!  It’s out there at school, at work, at home, here in the Bridge.  How many of you have ever said “I’m too much of a mess to go tonight, my life is too upside down, people might see me not coping, not looking bright and cheery, or needing their love and care instead of being able to offer it to them?

This shame keeps us from being real and honest with each other.  And its connection with each other that gives purpose and meaning to our lives.  Connection, the ability to belong is how we’re wired, how we’re made.  In order for connection to take place we have to be seen and known.

Well amazingly God has a solution!

Summing up – shame not sin!

Our performance song is about the freedom from shame and fear that can often enslave us.  Just like it enslaved Joseph until God stepped in

Oh my Lord… You sent your son to save us

Oh my Lord… Your very self you gave us

Oh my Lord… That sin may not enslave us and love may reign once more

The bible reading concluded with

‘She will bring a son to birth, and when she does, you, Joseph, will name him Jesus—‘God saves’—because he will save his people from their sins.”

Tonight for sin read shame.  In Jesus we are saved from the shame which keeps us apart from each other and from God.  Jesus being born as a baby tells us how worthy we are to him.  He values our very birth, our lives and all the potential that we have.

If we can trust that we are worthy because Jesus loves us then our ordinary lives will give us great joy and contentment.  If we can allow God to help us hold onto the worthiness that he sees in us then our relationships with others will be transformed.