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Best 60 Minutes – Seize the Day

31/10/2010 By

Life will be easier when…

Turn and talk to someone next to you about when life might be easier…….

Don’t get me wrong there are times when we all spend some time wishing that life was easier. In fact there might be times when we feel like giving up completely.

Firstly, let me make it clear there are no easy answers to the traumas of family life, whether that is at home or within a community like this one at the Bridge.

Secondly , for most of us the number one need is for us not have ‘answers’, but to know that we are not alone.  What can often keep us going in the tough time is hope: the belief that because others have come through experiences like ours – we can too.

A psychologist once said that:

 “Most people believe that a future event will make them happy. They say, ‘when I get married I’ll be happy’ or ‘When I get a new job ….’ Or maybe even something like ‘When the weekend comes I will be happy’.  The psychologist went to on to say ‘really happy people don’t think about their lives that way – even though life maybe far from perfect, they learn to appreciate the good bits.  They grasp happiness – however small – NOW’.

But you, Timothy, man of God: Run for your life from all this. Pursue a righteous life—a life of wonder, faith, love, steadiness, courtesy. Run hard and fast in the faith.  Seize  the eternal life, the life you were called to, the life you so fervently embraced in the presence of so many witnesses
1 Timothy 6:11-12 (The Message)

Anyone any idea of the importance of these two numbers?
6 570, 2 964 turn and see if they ring any bells with you

A man in his late mid life did a little math’s one day.  He knew that the average age to which he might live was 75 years. He then multiplied that by 52 to give him a figure of 2 964 – the number of Saturday his life would hold.  He was already 55 and so he had just 1040 Saturdays left. He went out and toured the toy shops in his town ‘til he managed to buy a 1040 marbles. When he got home he put them all in a large jar – each representing one of the Saturdays he had left in his life.  As time passed every Saturday he took a marble out every week.  One day he was chatting with a younger man who was struggling to make ends meet when it came to time. There just did not seem to be enough and his family was loosing out.  He told the younger man that it helped him to focus on the important things in his life.  He went to fetch the jar and the young man saw that is was empty.  The older man said , “Today I am 75 any Saturday from now on is a bonus” 
(Taken from The Sixty Minutes Family by Rob Parsons)

There are no easy answers
You are not alone
Seize the moment, now.  Talk to someone, buy some marbles, count the days, find happiness now.

Jesus said to another, “Follow me.”
He said, “Certainly, but first excuse me for a couple of days, please. I have to make arrangements for my father’s funeral.” Jesus refused.
“First things first, your business is life, not death. And life is urgent: Announce God’s kingdom!” Then another said, “I’m ready to follow you, Master, but first excuse me while I get things straightened out at home.”
Jesus said, “No procrastination. No backward looks. You can’t put God’s kingdom off till tomorrow. Seize the day.”
Luke 9: 59-62 (The Message)



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Best 60 Minutes – The Extended Family

24/10/2010 By

Game of cards
And then the disciples are trying to prevent Jesus from going back because they are worried for his safety. He was chased out of town last time he was there.

There are several packs of cards on your tables.  Some of them are normal cards, others are happy families.  Please play a game using them.

I don’t know about you but sometimes families are anything but happy

Activity

Everyone will need a piece of paper and a felt tip pen.
Please draw round your hand.  Make it so you can see the pen line on the other side of the paper. Then turn the piece of paper over and trace over the hand you should just about be able to see on the other side. Mark an L and an R on one side of the paper and the other to show which is left and which is right.

Now everyone knows that sometimes the hand that we get dealt is not the one we always would want it to be.  Sometimes we look at the hand of cards we have and really wish we had someone else’s.

Life sometimes deals us a hand that we are not very impressed with, it might be the way we look or feel about a part of our body, it might be about some people that are in our life, it might be some circumstances in which we find ourselves.  It might an arch enemy or a team your team has to play against and always get beat by…

We would like you to come up with 5 things, one for each digit on your hand that you wish had not been dealt to you.  You might like to talk someone else about it or you are happy just to write down the 5 things that you are not impressed with.

When you have done that, turn your piece of paper over and write down 5 things that you are glad have been dealt to you, Things, people, teams, looks, circumstances that you are glad to have In your life,…when you have finished just share with someone else on your team.

Take the piece of paper and match up your right hand, now match up your left hand…

It looks like you are all praying.
Remember no matter what happens in life, which hand you might have been dealt, God is always more ready to listen to us than we are ready to talk.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
A man was sick, Lazarus of Bethany, the town of Mary and her sister Martha. This was the same Mary who massaged the Lord’s feet with aromatic oils and then wiped them with her hair. It was her brother Lazarus who was sick.  So the sisters sent word to Jesus, “Master, the one you love so very much is sick.”  When Jesus got the message, he said, “This sickness is not fatal. It will become an occasion to show God’s glory by glorifying God’s Son.”
Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus, but oddly, when he heard that Lazarus was sick, he stayed on where he was for two more days.  After the two days, he said to his disciples, “Let’s go back to Judea.”  They said, “Rabbi, you can’t do that. The Jews are out to kill you, and you’re going back?”

John 11;1-8 (The Message)
 
Sometimes people in our family do not do things how we would like, or at the speed we would like,…Can you imagine how Martha and Mary might have felt?  Jesus said, Oh don’t worry I will be along in a bit…But Lazarus is sick, and we are not sure how long he will last…!

Why is it that we think we can treat our own family members worse than a stranger sometimes?

Sometimes we are dealt a bad hand – people will not do as they are asked. Sometimes we get to see the real person inside and begin to wish that we hadn’t.

Can you ever remember saying in the playground to the bully that My Dad is bigger than your Dad, and if you don’t stop it I am going to go and get him…
We use it in our house, but it is not my dad or Jack and Daniel’s dad.  You see our family extends to a Dad who is powerful and resourceful beyond our own. Our Dad is the same Dad that Jesus knew.  The same dad that meant he could deal with whatever hand he was dealt.  The same Dad who was always more ready to listen than we are talk.

You see with the extended Christian family we can “My Dad is bigger than your Dad”

And if you think that means you can go around bullying other people because of the size of your dad read this;

So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline.  Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you.  And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It’s your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it.  Let the peace of Christ keep you in tune with each other, in step with each other. None of this going off and doing your own thing. And cultivate thankfulness.

Col 3;12-15 (The Message)

Being part of God’s extended family, with having the Father of all creation as dad comes responsibility.



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The Best 60 Minutes (7) – To Learn to Love in January

17/10/2010 By

Talk (1) – A SUITCASE

I wonder how many of you have moved house recently or perhaps just been on a vacation or a business trip. How did you find it? More precisely how did you find PACKING for your trip?

Was it a matter of grabbing a few essentials and throwing them in the case with a pair of shoes and a wash bag?

Or did you take longer to decide?

Or are you, like me, one of those people who finds packing REALLY DIFFICULT, and just can’t decide what to leave out and GRABS EVERYTHING and just shoves it into your case and then fills about 5 different bags as hand luggage?

Is there anyone here who is a really bad packer?

Is there anyone who is really good? Anyone who can travel so efficiently they can go on holiday with just a compact piece of hand luggage?

I wonder if there were a change of circumstances in your life and you had just one suitcase to put all your life into it…what would you take.

 

Video – Illustration    Up in the Air – Chapter 2 (7:28 -9:20)

In the film, Up in the Air George Clooney plays Ryan Bingham a man whose job is to fly all over the United States being employed by companies to sack their staff. He is the ‘bringer of bad news’ the guy who sits across the room from people working in companies and tells them they have lost their job. Ryan Bingham might not sound like the kind of guy you’d like to be friends with but he is a product of the modern age and he has learnt to manipulate the system to his favour by collecting AIR MILES and LOYALTY CARD POINTS. Anyone here got a club card or loyalty card?

Yet, at the same time although a selfish man he is not altogether soul-less and he has created a simple way of living in a complex world. In all his trips across the continent and after all the people he has seen face life crises as he helped let them leave their jobs, he has become a kind of philosopher and in his spare time he speaks at seminars helping people to downsize their lives.  Through his seminar entitled – “What’s in your backpack?”

Although Ryan is a slick and selfish modern company man he asks a valid and also ancient religious and philosophical question – What are we metaphorically carrying around with us? What is stopping us from being free?

Video 2 – Up in the Air – Chapter 5 (26:00 -28:22)

As the film continues he is asked to show a young woman, Natalie, a new employee of the company, and a product of the POST-modern age and digital culture, how to do his job. She and Ryan’s boss want to replace all the travelling by plane by sacking people via video link over the internet. Ryan is not impressed so the first thing he needs to show her is exactly how to travel light.

Ryan has found a way of coping with the modern world. He travels light. Has minimal commitments, minimal possessions. The story of the film is partially about thinking what is really important to us in life and to realise that we live in a time of constant flux and change – “Moving is living” Ryan says.

Most of us have possessions and earthly commitments – work, family, friends, church, homes to look after, cars to maintain. And we live in a society that encourages us to invest our lives in earthly possessions and pleasures… So, it isn’t a bad thing to ask ourselves from time to time –

What matters most to me?

What am I carrying in my bag?

…relationships or consumer objects?

Or do we carry unresolved feelings – hurts, pride, insecurities, fears, doubts, low self-esteem, worries, anger or resentment?

Do we own our possessions or do our possessions own us?

Are we free to enjoy life or do we feel burdened external pressures and internal drives?

We as a nation are wealthy compared to ancient societies, but are we any happier? Quality of life surveys tell us that we are wealthier than our grandparents and great grandparents, but less happy – why is that?

Tonight we can come to church with our hearts and bodies or our souls filled with luggage – jobs, fears, worries, pains, longings, losses… baggage weighing us down. I know that’s how I have often felt when I have come to church in the past while going through a difficult period of my life. Yet, as Christians we have a friend who has already carried our burdens for us. A friend who speaks to each of us:  

Matthew 11:28-30 (The Message)

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

Matthew 11:28-30 (NIV)

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

 

TALK (2) – LOVING IN JANUARY:

 

How can we live peacefully with ourselves and with one another even when times are hard?

The Bridge over the last few weeks has been doing a series of talks based on the themes of a book called The Sixty Minute Family by Rob Parsons. We have called our series The Best 60 minutes with the hope that the people here can learn something about not just family life, but community life in each 60 minute presentation.  Tonight’s theme is Loving in January. It’s based on a chapter from Rob Parson’s book where he looks at relationship break downs, separations and divorces. It’s a difficult and sensitive issue for anyone to talk about, but for those who are going through it or have been through marital breakdown it holds a special kind of pain.

 

I have asked myself how can I possibly present this topic from a Biblical and Christian point of view, yet try to be understanding, forgiving, humane and compassionate. What follows are some of my thoughts, which I believe God has placed on my heart as I try to make sense of the agony of my own marriage breakdown and divorce as a Christian. I confess that I am still in a process of healing and understanding and I don’t feel I have really come to a place where I can fully explain what happened in my own life, let alone anyone else’s. So,  I hope you will bear with me as I try to put into perspective some of the forces internal and external that I believe pressure people into giving up on relationships…and also look at the way both the Bible and some modern therapists can help us face these pressures and overcome them.

I’m going to begin with the hard stuff…

Scripture Reading 2: 

James 3: 13-18

 17But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. 18Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness.

James 4:1-10

Submit Yourselves to God

 1What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? 2You want something but don’t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. 3When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures. 4You adulterous people, don’t you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. 5Or do you think Scripture says without reason that the spirit he caused to live in us envies intensely? 6But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:
   ”God opposes the proud
      but gives grace to the humble.”

 7Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. 9Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. 10Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.

 

 

The KEY WORDS in that passage:

Part 1 – Wisdom from heaven

·         pure

·         peace-loving

·         considerate

·         submissive

·         full of mercy

·         good fruit

·         impartial

·         sincere

·         Peacemakers sow peace

·         Harvest righteousness.

 

Part 2 -What causes fights and quarrels among you?

 

·         Your desires that battle within you?

·         You want something

·         But you don’t get it.

·         You kill

·         You covet

·         You cannot have what you want.

·         You quarrel

·         You fight

·         You do not have

 

Why?

·         Because you do not ask God.

 

When you do ask…

you do not receive… Why?

 

·         Because you have  wrong motives,

 

What are the motives?

·         you may spend 

On what? Survival? Helping others? Creating a better world?

·         On your pleasures.

 

 

We live in an addicted society. Many of us…if not all of us… have some kind of addiction. These addictions effect our relationships with another and non more so than in marriage. As James asks: What causes fights and quarrels among you? Your desires that battle within you… But I ask myself, how does the culture we live within effect and manipulate the desires we feel inside us? Often, the media and society don’t help us to manage and control our desires responsibly?

 We live in A CULTURE OF CONSUMERISM

We live in A CULTURE OF CONSUMERISM – MYA – Plastic surgery company and clinic MYA – ‘Make Yourself Amazing’ encourage through glamouress advertising people, and women in particular, to feel inadequate because of their appearance. They say the solution is easy and fun - that is for women to have surgery to alter their bodies to make them ‘amazing’, but this is a terrible lie. You are ALEADY AMAZING!  From a Christian or Jewish point of view, God has made you uniquely and wonderfully. (See Psalm 139 for the wonderful way the ancient scriptures described the process of creation of each human being). In my opinion we live in a society that encourages us to fulfil our natural God given desires to be attractive and appreciated, to be loved through artificial means. Measures which are often costly and potentially dangerous and ultimately don’t take away our desire for love and affection. Both men and women are bombarded with pressures from the media to secure for themselves a ‘better’ lifestyle. Yet the Bible and Jesus teaches us to be thankful for what we have to rest in a loving relationship with God, to honour others above ourselves. The message of the Bible is submit to God, release your fears and worries to him…don’t take your life into your own hands be it your body or your needs for loving relationships and try to make it your own way. Consecrate, that is give yourself, devote yourself to God…as hard as that can be and James says God will lift you up.

A CULTURE OF ENTITLEMENT – PRINCES TUNA – Perhaps many of us would not succumb to the pressures of society to have plastic surgery, but do we feel entitled to take advantage of Nature. This week I got an email from the environmental organisation Green Peace about Princes Tuna. Apprarently, this huge fishing company is using industrial fishing methods to catch tuna that also catch wild turtles, sharks and immature tuna fish too young to be harvested. It shocked me that for perhaps 20-30pence a tin less we humans will buy cheaper tuna even though it causes many innocent, beautiful, wild sea creatures which God has made in wonder to suffer and die needlessly. I ask myself, am I so selfish to believe that my needs for cheap food are more important than protecting the glorious natural world that I believe, as a Christian, God has made.

 

IS HOW CHRISTIANITY HAS USUALLY PRESENTED SIN, SELFISHNESS AND GOD PART OF THE PROBLEM?

Perhaps, part of the problem comes from the history of Christianity and the way peoples’ relationship with God has traditionally been represented.Christianity as we have inherited it has encouraged us to see our relationship with God as one of forgiveness for Sin.

  1. We sinned against God
  2. God was angry with us
  3. God was merciful so he sends us the LAW – the 10 Commandments
  4. We can’t keep the 10 commandments by our own strength
  5. God has more mercy and grace – sends His Son Jesus – to take the punishment we deserve
  6. We are forgiven
  7. We are reconciled to God
  8. We get a ticket to heaven

But what do we DO NOW…before we die and go to heaven…

Well, we try to stay on God’s good-side…we try not to make him angry by doing our best to not break the Commandments…but we still do and then we run back to God and ask for forgiveness again…

Isn’t that what many of us do?

But that’s not what we are meant to do…that’s not what the Bible teaches us about God or about our relationship to him…

A STORY – LEARNING FROM A MONK

When I was first a Christian and I was a student in London and there was a massive old fashioned Christian bookshop nearby Regents Park, where I used to run and walk. I mean it was massive…thousands of books…old and new…And I remember once that I saw a book by a monk and I read the title of the book and I couldn’t believe it…I mean I thought it was something really ‘not-kosha’, Unorthodox’ Heretical…The title of the book was:

GOD IS NOT ANGRY

GOD IS NOT ANGRY

You see the truth is God is not angry with us anymore…we have sinned and gone against God…but God sent his Son to free us from the consequences of Sin…to take the WRATH as the Bible calls it…the ANGER of God…Jesus has already done that…so WE DON’T NEED TO WORRY ABOUTSTAYING ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF GOD…BECAUSE HE LOVES US…HE LOVES US…LIKE A FATHER A CHILD…WE ARE HIS BELOVED (as Song of Songs says).

The PROBLEM IS NOT: ‘TRYING TO AVOID MAKING GOD ANGRY’…the PROBLEM IS US…inside of US…we are the angry stubborn ones, we are the ones who make life difficult for ourselves and others…it is our stubborn selfish nature which the Bible calls our ‘SARX’ or our ‘flesh’…that’s not the same as the body…it’s selfishness within us that wants to be Boss in our lives instead of being free to be a servant of God or a child playing at God’s feet we want to RULE or CONTROL our world…

So, I ask again, what is the answer?

The answer according to James is ‘submit’

Part 3 – The Solution

  • Submit yourselves, then, to God.
  • Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
  • Come near to God and              ….he will come near to you.
  • Wash your hands, you sinners
  • Purify your hearts, you double-minded.
  • Grieve
  • mourn
  • Wail
  • Change
  • Laughter to mourning
  • Joy to gloom
  • Humble yourselves before the Lord,
  • …and he will lift you up

What does this mean? Practically? Spiritually?

It means…DEATH!

It means…DYING!

It means …RUNNING AWAY from the World…the TV…the internet and your e-bay account…fleeing the shopping mall…

Maybe you think this is un-Christian, maybe it sounds legalistic – it’s not meant to be legalistic… it’s meant to be HEALTHY…HEALTHY, LIFE GIVING DISCIPLINE

According to Jesus submission looks like a CROSS…it looks like DEATH…not physical death, or spiritual death, but a death to our selves…our selfish will

23Then he said to them all: If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. 

24 For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it.

25 What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self? 

Luke9: 23-25

Then he told them what they could expect for themselves: “Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You’re not in the driver’s seat—I am. Don’t run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I’ll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self. What good would it do to get everything you want and lose you, the real you? 

Luke 9:23-27 (The Message)

Purgation + Consecration

 

12 STEPS PROGRAMME:

The best way the modern world has come up with to help people be set free of those selfish cravings and desires is called the 12 steps programme – It is a process used with drug addicts and alcoholics across the world. Do you know what the first steps are in this programme?

  1. We admitted we were powerless over (our addiction) – that our lives had become unmanageable.
  2. We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
  3. We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

Effectively, they are ancient religious practices in simple, modern language… They are what James says:

Submit yourselves to God

Come near to God

Get rid of all the rubbish behaviours and ambitions in your life!

Wash your hands

Purify your hearts

How’s that going to feel?

Well, Jesus says it’s like being executed on a Cross. It’s going to feel like dying…

YET DEATH ISN’T THE END THERE IS RESURRECTION

But the GOOD NEWS for Christians is that AFTER DEATH…comes NEW LIFE…AFTER DEATH …comes RESURRECTION…after RESURRECTION …comes The COMFORTER…GOD’S SPIRIT..to help us live out this process of de-addiction…de-attachment…freedom..day by day from now until eternity…when in Heaven we will completely set free from our internal baggage forever.

Purgation + Consecration = Simplicity + Devotion

Purgation + Consecration = Emptying our suitcase of excess baggage + Embracing the Cross

In the end, the aim is freedom, life and love

Let’s pray…

by David L Fletcher

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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The Best 60 Minutes (6) – The ‘C’ Word – Resolving Conflict

10/10/2010 By

 

Bible reading: Acts 6:1-7 (The Message)

During this time, as the disciples were increasing in numbers by leaps and bounds, hard feelings developed among the Greek-speaking believers—”Hellenists”—toward the Hebrew-speaking believers because their widows were being discriminated against in the daily food lines. So the Twelve called a meeting of the disciples. They said, “It wouldn’t be right for us to abandon our responsibilities for preaching and teaching the Word of God to help with the care of the poor. So, friends, choose seven men from among you whom everyone trusts, men full of the Holy Spirit and good sense, and we’ll assign them this task. Meanwhile, we’ll stick to our assigned tasks of prayer and speaking God’s Word.” The congregation thought this was a great idea. They went ahead and chose—

   Stephen, a man full of faith and the Holy Spirit,
   Philip,
   Procorus,
   Nicanor,
   Timon,
   Parmenas,
   Nicolas, a convert from Antioch.
Then they presented them to the apostles. Praying, the apostles laid on hands and commissioned them for their task. The Word of God prospered. The number of disciples in Jerusalem increased dramatically. Not least, a great many priests submitted themselves to the faith.

 

Video – From the film The Water boy (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ZpDnXYIFjo)

 

 

Conflict will happen.  There is no way we can avoid it.  

It can be at home, in the workplace, here at the Bridge.  What matters is how we might go about resolving the conflict?  Here are some dos and don’ts.

 

1.  Don’t attack the person.  If you say to a child “Pull your socks up you are going to be a loser for the rest of your life.” it will scar them for life.

2.  Don’t make comparisons between people.  “I wish you were more like Carol’s husband” You brother always does it so much better than you”, will not help.

3.  Don’t exaggerate.

4.  Don’t trivialize. Make sure the other person knows you are trying to understand. You will need to balance this with putting things into perspective.

5.  Don’t avoid discussion.  Give the other person chance to speak without interrupting – and listen to them.  Let people know how their behaviour has made you feel.

6.  Do stick to the issue. Don’t be an elephant or archaeologist – always trying to dig up the past.

7.  Do try to find creative solutions.  A win-win situation is ideal

8.  Do try to cut each other some slack at times of stress, e.g. exams, illness, loss of a job, broken friendships etc.

9.  Do remember loves means always having to say sorry.

10.  Do focus on developing trust.  Go for honesty and be prepared to forgive.

 

YouTube clip – Something Beautiful by the News Boys (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MkdMOauMAys)

 

 

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Best 60 Minutes – Power of Encouragement

19/09/2010 By

Can you finish the following saying “sticks and stones may break my bones but …?”

How ridiculous!  Words will never hurt me!

Lets see what the Bible says about this.

Bible Reading – James 3:4-8
A bit in the mouth of a horse controls the whole horse.  A small rudder on a huge ship in the hands of a skilled captain sets a course in the strongest of winds.  A word out of your mouth may seem of no account, but it can accomplish nearly anything – or destroy it!
It only takes a spark, remember, to set off a forest fire.  A careless or wrongly placed word out of your mouth can do that.  By our speech we can ruin the world, turn harmony to chaos, throw mud on a reputation, send the whole world up in smoke and go up in smoke with it, smoke right from the pit of hell.
This is scary you can tame a tiger but you can’t tame a tongue – it’s never been done.  The tongue runs wild, a wanton killer.

Our words are vital they can literally tear us apart or keep us together.  Words of encouragement are crucial. We need to be careful though as our encouragement can sometimes put pressure on people unintentionally.  Let’s take a look at some encouraging words and see which might put pressure on someone.

Praise

Encouragement

 

You are the best student I ever had

You are a fine student. Any teacher will appreciate and enjoy you.

You are always on time.

You sure make an effort to be on time.

You have the highest score in the class on this exam.

You did very well on this exam.

I am so proud of you.

You seem to really enjoy learning

You’re the best helper I ever had.

The room looks very neat since you tidied the bookshelves.

I’m so proud of your artwork.

It is great to see that you enjoy art.

 

 

Main Differences between Praise and Encouragement
One of the main differences between praise and encouragement is that praise often comes paired with a judgment or evaluation, such as “best” or “highest” in these examples.

 

Praise

Encouragement

 

stimulates rivalry and competition

stimulates cooperation and contribution for the good of all

focuses on quality of performance

focuses on amount of effort and joy

person feels “judged” no evaluation of person or act;

person feels “accepted”

fosters selfishness at the expense of others

fosters self-interest, which does not hurt others

emphasis on evaluation of the person-”You are better than others.”

emphasis on specific contributions -”You have helped in this way.”

creates quitters

creates try-ers

fosters fear of failure

fosters acceptance of being imperfect

fosters dependence

fosters self-sufficiency and independence

Marshall Rosenberg
Marshall Rosenberg tells this story after he had been working with a group of teachers, telling them about the dangers of using praise and complements as rewards.  People are trained to use praise as a reward, as a manipulation to get people to do what they want. For example, in a family, we are taught that if you praise and compliment children daily, they are more likely to do what you want. Teachers do the same in school to get children to work more. 

Marshall had been trying to show them how to use encouragement instead.  First, he said that you should identify what the person did that enriched their life, not a generality, like “you’re so kind, beautiful, or wonderful” but what concretely did they do for you. Second, how do you feel inside about their action? And third, what need was fulfilled inside you by their contribution?

He says he couldn’t have done a very good job of explaining this because afterward, a woman came up and said, “You were brilliant.”

He replied, “That is no help. I have been called a lot of names in my life some positive and some far from positive and I could never recall learning anything of value from someone telling me what I am. I don’t think anybody does but I can see by the look in your eyes you want to express gratitude.  I want to receive it but telling me what I am doesn’t help.”

She then asked, What do you want to hear?”
So he then asked “What did I say in the workshop that made life more wonderful for you?”

She replied, “You are so intelligent.”
He said, “That doesn’t help.”

She thought for a moment and then opened her notebook and said, “Here are two things that you said that really made a difference.” So Marshall asked, “How do you feel?” And she said, “Hopeful and relieved.”

Marshall then asked, “It would help me if I knew what needs of yours were met.”
She said, “I have this 18 year old son and when we fight, it is horrible. It can go on for days. I have needed some concrete direction and these two things have made such a difference for me.”

Now those are encouraging words.  When we want to encourage someone we could try to use those three suggestions

Bible reading – Proverbs 15:23, 25:10 (The Message)
The Bible says that :

Everyone enjoys giving good advice, and how wonderful it is to be able to say the right thing at the right time!

Timely advice is as lovely as gold apples in a silver basket.

Acceptance
And yet many of us carry around the hurt or pain caused by other people’s words.  We do not have a silver basket in our life that contains golden apples.

A good friend of mine who is a church minister shared that over the years she has stored and kept the cards and notes of appreciation that she has received.  And there have been times when she has needed to go back to that box to re-read them because of the criticism and lack of acceptance that she has experienced from people. When we do not encourage one another we are judging each other and failing to accept each other as we are. When you have not been encouraged you will feel judged and unacceptable. The challenge this evening is that our lives and words need to be an encouragement to each other, which means within our own smaller family units, within our Bridge family and within our wider community.

Developing an attitude of encouragement will only come with practice and it will only come when we are willing to be let go of the pain and hurt that others may have caused us. God totally accepts and wants to encourage us and as we begin to know that deep down we can begin to offer the same encouragement to others.  God loves to catch us doing something right, he loves to encourage us and cheer us on.  He accepts us now even whilst he knows our full future potential.

There is a silver bowl here with words that can become golden apples for you.  If you would like a word of encouragement from God then please come and take one.



 

 

 

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The Best 60 Minutes Ever – (1) Making Time

05/09/2010 By

 

 Welcome

Good to see you this evening.  My name is Tim and I will be leading this evening’s presentation.

 

If you are new and have not been to the Bridge before welcome, our presentation will last for about an hour, and there are activities for the children and young people a little later on.  We are also happy if they want to stay in – so no pressure!

 

We may do some things this evening that you are not comfortable with.  If you don’t feel comfortable please do not feel that you have to join in…

 

Afterwards we spend time together with eating and drinking.  Don’t worry if you haven’t bought anything with you, plenty to eat.

 

Introduction

We start a new series this week making the most of 60 minutes of family and community life

 

Video clip – US Airbus flown by Captain Chelsey Sullenberger takes off and crash lands on Hudson River

 

http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/45381000/jpg/_45381047_jex_266655_de27-1.jpg

What would you do?

The plane took off and then immediately flew through a flock of birds.  The plane lost both engines.  What would have done next if you had been one of the 155 passengers on board the US Airways Airbus plane?

 

Talk & Bible reading

We live in a strange culture if you think about it.

We have never had so many time saving gadgets yet so many seem to have so little time.

Why is it that 1 in 3 people will now live on their own in a house?

In 2004 one in every 2 meals was eaten alone.

The average life expectancy is increasing with 20-25% of those born in 2001 expected to live to over 100.  We have more time that ever, but….

 

Question: “This programme is listed in Guinness World Records as the longest-running science fiction television show in the world,[1] and as the “most successful” science fiction series of all time, in terms of its overall broadcast ratings, DVD and book sales, iTunes traffic, and “illegal downloads”.”

Which programme is it?

 

Answer: Dr Who

 

What is Dr Who? He is a time lord, he can move and control time.

 

And so to our theme of Making time,…

last time I checked I was unable to make time.  Not sure if anyone else here is able to?  But if you had limited time what would you do?  What would be your priorities?

One of the ladies on that ill fated Airbus told her story, “As soon as I knew we were in trouble I rang my family on my cell phone to say “I love you”.  She made time. You might want to argue that she had no choice as she had nothing else to do apart from wait, but,….she made time for the important people in her life.  She focused on her priorities.

It is often said that people will focus on their priorities on their death bed.  Strange but people never seem to say “I wish I had spent more time at the office.”  An awful lot of them, as they review their lives reflect they wish they spent more time with their family, the people that matter most to them.

I might not be able to make time, but I can prioritise how I use it.  How someone uses their time can tell you a lot about their priorities.

A father was sitting at his desk with his diary and his daughter came up to him and asked “What are you doing?”  He replied he was putting some dates  and times in his diary to meet some important people.  She wanted to know if here name was in the diary.

 

Many of us will perhaps have a picture of God as someone who is distant, remote, disinterested and who certainly does not have the time for me of for you.  In fact the bible says exactly the opposite.

 

The Word became flesh and blood,

and moved into the neighbourhood.

We saw the glory with our own eyes,

the one-of-a-kind glory,

like Father, like Son,

Generous inside and out,

true from start to finish.

John pointed him out and called, “This is the One! The One I told you was coming after me but in fact was ahead of me. He has always been ahead of me, has always had the first word.”

We all live off his generous bounty,

gift after gift after gift.

We got the basics from Moses,

and then this exuberant giving and receiving,

This endless knowing and understanding—

all this came through Jesus, the Messiah.

No one has ever seen God,

not so much as a glimpse.

This one-of-a-kind God-Expression,

who exists at the very heart of the Father,

has made him plain as day.

John 1:15-18 (The Message)

 

Christians would say that God made time itself.  You might think him as the original Time Lord.

But more he did more than that. He decided that we, humans, would be top of his priority list.  He made a choice to come and spend time with us, he decided to make time for us,……

We are in the diary, there are dates and times with our names on in his diary.  Sometimes though we just don’t turn up,..we might confess to not even knowing we are in the diary,…we might angrily say that we did know we had an appointment.

 

We are top of God’s priorities

But more than that he believes we are a priority.  If you believe you will do something it will often make the difference when you don’t really want to. 

 

God also planned. He made plans to be with us, he did that uniquely in the person of Jesus Christ, who our readings talks about as coming and living in our neighbourhood.  But that was not just about the past, about 200 years.  Jesus is no longer around today, so how does that help me today?  It does because he left his agent, his helper with us so he can be with us anytime.  The diary is always open if you like.   

I think we can learn from the nature of God about our own relationships.

 

1.    Priorities

2.    Believe

3.    Plan

 

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