Who are you listening to?

The theme for our lent series is pod-destrian.  Based on those people who are so engrossed in listening to their ipods or moibile phones that they can walk into things or into the path of oncoming traffic.  For the next 6 weeks which in the Christian calendar is known as Lent we’ll be asking the question who or what are you listening to ?

Lent is the period of six weeks 40 days (not including Sundays) leading up to Easter, which is  the most important festival in the Christian calendar.  During the 40 days of Lent, Christians remember the time when Jesus went into the desert to fast and pray before beginning his work for God. During this time Jesus was tempted several times by Satan, but was able to resist.  Lent is a time of giving things up. For Christians, it is one way of remembering the time Jesus’ fasted in the desert and is a test of self-discipline.

There are many foods that some Christians do not eat in Lent, such as meat and fish, fats, eggs, and milky foods. Some Christians just give up something they really enjoy such as cakes or chocolate.

Lent starts after Pancake Day which traditionally people have used as the last chance to use up the foods that they would not be eating during Lent. Today people often give up chocolate or alcohol.

So this is a time when you might hear people talking about they might give up for Lent.  The idea being that this is a time when some self-discipline and self-control is exercised.  If you like it’s the Christian New Year, its when they make resolutions to be focussed on their journey with God.  People give up chocolate or crisps, watching TV or playing computer games.  The idea is that it’s supposed to be a challenge,  that you would need to be rely on God in order to be able to resist the temptation to give in.

This evening we have heard Joy and Paul share how Keziah’s arrival has been a key part of their journey and the peaks and troughs of that.  The fear and despair as well as the delight and happiness.

In line with our theme for Lent I’d like to ask you – who or what were you listening to as they shared their story?  Were you listening to people who because you know them, you were willing to believe their story, it stirred your emotions, left you thinking how would I have reacted in those circumstances?  Or was it too farfetched and whilst you know Joy and Paul well, its too big a jump for you, so you stopped listening or listened instead to a voice that explained away all that they said?  Either of those or anything in between is perfectly normal.

My challenge to you this Lent is to give up your scepticism or cynicism.  To resist the temptation to explain away all that happened to Joy and Paul as coincidence or fate.  You can go back to that way of thinking as soon as the six weeks of Lent are over.  I’m not asking you to give rational thought or switch your brain off.

I’m just suggesting that for a few weeks you might entertain the idea that God has been at work, that God may have something to say to you too, that God is big enough to handle all of the questions and doubts that you might have.  He’s big enough to handle your indifference too.  Joy and Paul are not alone in the Bridge community.  There are many others here too with stories to tell that seem to suggest that God is at work.  We don’t have all of the answers and it doesn’t always make sense but we are a group of people who in varying degrees have decided to suspend our cynicism, to be willing to explore what seems impossible, to be open to new possibilities.

Joy and Paul’s story tonight is that God has walked with them through a very difficult time, that there have been times when they have had very real doubts and times when they have known for certain that God has been with them.  It has also been a very real and at times hugely difficult time for those of who love and care for them.  What to say?  What to do?  At times we have felt so useless and incapable of finding the right words.  And yet many of us have known God carrying us and walking with us through it.

Joy and Paul were at one time given a very special picture of a pair of hands holding their unborn baby, protecting her from a too early arrival.  This picture has brought great comfort in times of great despair.  And yet here we are today, celebrating Keziah’s arrival.  She has already brought great change to the lives of the Hatfield family and will no doubt continue to do so.

Our story is that God is not distant, that he is interested in each and every one of us.  As Easter approaches it’s a good time to think again about what God achieved.  There’s nothing he wouldn’t do to reach out to us.  At Easter we remember that God actually came to earth as a human being.  He lived among us and knows exactly what its like to be us.  The whole idea of Jesus doing that was so that he can be a role model for what it means to be a human being living in relationship with God.  Joy and Paul’s story this evening demonstrates the power of the Holy spirit at work in ordinary human beings.  This is the same spirit that was at work in the life of Jesus.  We can keep trying to be better people, to be kind and caring and generous or brave and yet if we attempt this purely under our own will power we will always fall short, we will always run out.  God doesn’t want us to have to do all of this on own.  He wants to empower and transform our lives.  When Jesus died on the cross he clearly demonstrated that a human being who has lived their life in partnership with God, who has allowed God’s spirit to be at work in their life, will overcome.  We don’t need to live lives that have no purpose, we don’t have to live lives that trapped by the circumstances we have encountered, we don’t have to live lives that are valued by what we own or what we wear, we don’t have to live lives that are trapped by our past.  God would love for you to feel his love.  Will you give him a chance?

So who are you listening to?  Will you listen to Joy and Paul’s story and think it’s worth considering?  For the next six weeks you could participate in Lent by giving up something.  Will you give up your indifference, your scepticism, your fear, your pride?

When the rain is blowing in your face,
And the whole world is on your case,
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love.

When the evening shadows and the stars appear,
And there is no one there to dry your tears,
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love.

I know you haven’t made your mind up yet,
But I would never do you wrong.
I’ve known it from the moment that we met,
No doubt in my mind where you belong.

I’d go hungry; I’d go black and blue,
I’d go crawling down the avenue.
No, there’s nothing that I wouldn’t do
To make you feel my love.

The storms are raging on the rolling sea
And on the highway of regret.
Though winds of change are throwing wild and free,
You ain’t seen nothing like me yet.

I could make you happy, make your dreams come true.
Nothing that I wouldn’t do.
Go to the ends of the Earth for you,
To make you feel my love

Bible reading: John 3: 16

This is how much God loved the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son.  And this is why: so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life.  God didn’t go to all the trouble of sending his Son merely to point an accusing finger, telling the world how bad it was.  He came to help, to put the world right again.

Best 60 Minutes – Power of Encouragement

Can you finish the following saying “sticks and stones may break my bones but …?”

How ridiculous!  Words will never hurt me!

Lets see what the Bible says about this.

Bible Reading – James 3:4-8
A bit in the mouth of a horse controls the whole horse.  A small rudder on a huge ship in the hands of a skilled captain sets a course in the strongest of winds.  A word out of your mouth may seem of no account, but it can accomplish nearly anything – or destroy it!
It only takes a spark, remember, to set off a forest fire.  A careless or wrongly placed word out of your mouth can do that.  By our speech we can ruin the world, turn harmony to chaos, throw mud on a reputation, send the whole world up in smoke and go up in smoke with it, smoke right from the pit of hell.
This is scary you can tame a tiger but you can’t tame a tongue – it’s never been done.  The tongue runs wild, a wanton killer.

Our words are vital they can literally tear us apart or keep us together.  Words of encouragement are crucial. We need to be careful though as our encouragement can sometimes put pressure on people unintentionally.  Let’s take a look at some encouraging words and see which might put pressure on someone.

Praise

Encouragement

 

You are the best student I ever had

You are a fine student. Any teacher will appreciate and enjoy you.

You are always on time.

You sure make an effort to be on time.

You have the highest score in the class on this exam.

You did very well on this exam.

I am so proud of you.

You seem to really enjoy learning

You’re the best helper I ever had.

The room looks very neat since you tidied the bookshelves.

I’m so proud of your artwork.

It is great to see that you enjoy art.

 

 

Main Differences between Praise and Encouragement
One of the main differences between praise and encouragement is that praise often comes paired with a judgment or evaluation, such as “best” or “highest” in these examples.

 

Praise

Encouragement

 

stimulates rivalry and competition

stimulates cooperation and contribution for the good of all

focuses on quality of performance

focuses on amount of effort and joy

person feels “judged” no evaluation of person or act;

person feels “accepted”

fosters selfishness at the expense of others

fosters self-interest, which does not hurt others

emphasis on evaluation of the person-”You are better than others.”

emphasis on specific contributions -”You have helped in this way.”

creates quitters

creates try-ers

fosters fear of failure

fosters acceptance of being imperfect

fosters dependence

fosters self-sufficiency and independence

Marshall Rosenberg
Marshall Rosenberg tells this story after he had been working with a group of teachers, telling them about the dangers of using praise and complements as rewards.  People are trained to use praise as a reward, as a manipulation to get people to do what they want. For example, in a family, we are taught that if you praise and compliment children daily, they are more likely to do what you want. Teachers do the same in school to get children to work more. 

Marshall had been trying to show them how to use encouragement instead.  First, he said that you should identify what the person did that enriched their life, not a generality, like “you’re so kind, beautiful, or wonderful” but what concretely did they do for you. Second, how do you feel inside about their action? And third, what need was fulfilled inside you by their contribution?

He says he couldn’t have done a very good job of explaining this because afterward, a woman came up and said, “You were brilliant.”

He replied, “That is no help. I have been called a lot of names in my life some positive and some far from positive and I could never recall learning anything of value from someone telling me what I am. I don’t think anybody does but I can see by the look in your eyes you want to express gratitude.  I want to receive it but telling me what I am doesn’t help.”

She then asked, What do you want to hear?”
So he then asked “What did I say in the workshop that made life more wonderful for you?”

She replied, “You are so intelligent.”
He said, “That doesn’t help.”

She thought for a moment and then opened her notebook and said, “Here are two things that you said that really made a difference.” So Marshall asked, “How do you feel?” And she said, “Hopeful and relieved.”

Marshall then asked, “It would help me if I knew what needs of yours were met.”
She said, “I have this 18 year old son and when we fight, it is horrible. It can go on for days. I have needed some concrete direction and these two things have made such a difference for me.”

Now those are encouraging words.  When we want to encourage someone we could try to use those three suggestions

Bible reading – Proverbs 15:23, 25:10 (The Message)
The Bible says that :

Everyone enjoys giving good advice, and how wonderful it is to be able to say the right thing at the right time!

Timely advice is as lovely as gold apples in a silver basket.

Acceptance
And yet many of us carry around the hurt or pain caused by other people’s words.  We do not have a silver basket in our life that contains golden apples.

A good friend of mine who is a church minister shared that over the years she has stored and kept the cards and notes of appreciation that she has received.  And there have been times when she has needed to go back to that box to re-read them because of the criticism and lack of acceptance that she has experienced from people. When we do not encourage one another we are judging each other and failing to accept each other as we are. When you have not been encouraged you will feel judged and unacceptable. The challenge this evening is that our lives and words need to be an encouragement to each other, which means within our own smaller family units, within our Bridge family and within our wider community.

Developing an attitude of encouragement will only come with practice and it will only come when we are willing to be let go of the pain and hurt that others may have caused us. God totally accepts and wants to encourage us and as we begin to know that deep down we can begin to offer the same encouragement to others.  God loves to catch us doing something right, he loves to encourage us and cheer us on.  He accepts us now even whilst he knows our full future potential.

There is a silver bowl here with words that can become golden apples for you.  If you would like a word of encouragement from God then please come and take one.